Why do we stay in a relationship despite dissatisfaction? Clarifications from Amélie Boukhobza.
Many people are unhappy with their relationships. While some take the bull by the horns and end up separating, others continue on this path without changing things. How can this be explained? A psychologist interviewed on the website Doctissimo provides clarification.
Fear of loneliness, the first reason that explains this situation
Psychologist Amélie Boukhobza puts forward “fear of loneliness” as the main reason. “The idea of being alone is often more frightening than enduring an unsatisfactory relationship,” explains the expert. But that’s not the only reason. “Attachment, even to a dysfunctional relationship, is another reason. Shared memories and emotional ties make separation difficult.”
Other possible reasons: Comfort and common life habits can also keep individuals in unsatisfactory relationships. “Changing one’s life can seem destabilizing and frightening,” says the psychologist. “As can fear of judgment and family obligations, other common reasons that can dissuade people from leaving a relationship.”
Finally, some people have hope that their partner will change or “they have hope that things will improve,” the specialist lists. And finally, let’s not forget the financial issue, because “the idea of having to provide for one’s needs alone can be terrifying for some people,” finally believes Amélie Boukhobza.
How to get out of each of these situations?
The psychologist also reveals ways to change things. We must realize that “attachment should not justify suffering,” explains Amélie Boukhobza.
To assess the situation objectively, she advises “honestly assessing the positive and negative aspects of the relationship. Then weigh up: if the negative outweighs the negative, it means you need to consider changes, otherwise you risk getting stuck in a sense of deadlock that can lead to other problems such as chronic stress or depression, for example.”
The specialist also recommends that people who are afraid of taking on financial responsibility “plan their departure financially”, but also surround themselves with positive people, to be able to discuss and exchange without being judged.
Finally, she recommends consulting a therapist to work on the separation and understand that you deserve a healthy and fulfilling relationship. “Getting out of it necessarily involves recognizing and accepting that the relationship is not suitable. Understanding that staying in an unsatisfactory relationship is not beneficial for you or your partner,” she concludes.
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